From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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