im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
