I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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