Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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