She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
