Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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