oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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