Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
