His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
