im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
