My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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