I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
