I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
