when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
