Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
