At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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