I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
