you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
