Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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