Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
