he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
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In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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