I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
