Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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