Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
