I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
