i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize