he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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