I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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