did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace