you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this