So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
