Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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