We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
