The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize