I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
