Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
