yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
