how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
