Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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