Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
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Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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