When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
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Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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