Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
