we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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