so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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