I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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