I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
