ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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