Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
