Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
