Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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