Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
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We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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