There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When did we convert life to cartoon?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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