I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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