at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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