Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
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it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
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He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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