I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
