he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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