I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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