I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
