New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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