My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
