or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
