actually, I'm a sock model
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
