dude i'm inner monologue high
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
