This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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