She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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