I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
